Generic questions tend to produce generic answers.
How are you?
It’s one of the most common questions we ask.
“How are you?”
Most of the time, we don’t even think about it. It’s an automatic greeting. The responses are just as automatic.
“I’m good.”
“I’m fine.”
“Busy.”
“Same old, same old.”
It’s a great way to acknowledge another human being.
It’s a terrible way to understand how they’re actually doing.
Generic questions tend to produce generic answers.
Lately, I’ve found myself asking a different question.
Leadership
Over the past year, I’ve had the privilege of coaching around 30 leaders across a variety of industries. Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking, “How are things going?” and started asking a different question:
“Are you liking leadership right now?”
What’s surprised me isn’t that a few people hesitate.
It’s how many do.
“If I’m being honest…I’m not.”
“Not really. I’m tired.”
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t know if I want to keep doing this.”
Leadership has always been demanding, but many leaders are carrying more invisible weight than ever. They’re managing constant change, navigating uncertainty, leading teams made up of both people and AI, balancing budgets and staffing challenges, and somehow still trying to be the steady one everyone else depends on.
On the outside, they look competent and capable.
On the inside, many are wondering how long they can keep it up.
I often think back to my days working in a little café in high school. There were a handful of regulars who had a phrase for everything.
“That’s just life.”
“You’ve just got to suck it up.”
Part of me understands what they meant. Life isn’t always easy. Leadership certainly isn’t. There are seasons that require grit.
But another part of me wonders if we’ve quietly accepted unnecessary misery as the admission price of leadership.
Or maybe we’ve promoted people into leadership without giving them the emotional, practical, and strategic tools to carry it well.
I think that’s closer to the truth.
Maybe the better question isn’t whether leadership is hard.
Maybe it’s whether we’ve stopped designing it in a way that allows us to actually like it.
Leaders who stop liking leadership don’t just lose energy. They lose curiosity. They lose creativity. They lose presence. They lose patience.
Eventually, the people around them feel it too.
So here’s my challenge for you this week.
Ask yourself:
Am I liking leadership right now?
If the answer is yes, protect what’s making that possible.
If the answer is no, don’t settle for, “That’s just leadership.”
Instead, finish this sentence:
I’d like leadership more if…
Maybe you block 15 minutes on your calendar to get organized instead of squeezing it in “when you have time.”
Maybe you spend 20 minutes learning something that makes your job feel easier next month than it does today.
Maybe you delegate the task you’ve been carrying because it’s easier to do it yourself.
Maybe tomorrow is the day you finally schedule the conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Maybe you leave work on time and trust that the email can wait until morning.
You don’t have to change everything.
Pick one moment this week and lead it differently.
You happen to leadership (and your team)…not the other way around.
Life
I’ve started noticing this outside of work too.
Whether I’m talking with friends, neighbors, or people I meet while traveling, I hear versions of the same thing.
“I’m just trying to get through this season.”
“Maybe next month.”
“When things settle down…”
It’s almost as if we’ve postponed enjoying our lives until some future version of them arrives.
The truth is, life will always have responsibilities, disappointments, and seasons we’d never choose.
What we do control are thousands of tiny moments.
The conversation you almost didn’t start.
The walk you take instead of scrolling your phone.
The coffee that turns into an hour with a friend.
Turning up your favorite song on the drive home.
Looking up long enough to notice the sunset.
Choosing laughter when complaining would have been easier.
When I think about a year, I don’t picture birthdays or vacations first.
I picture ordinary Tuesdays.
Random Wednesday mornings.
The cup of coffee before work.
A walk after dinner.
Those ordinary moments.
So the next time someone asks, “How are you?” pause before answering.
Then ask yourself a different question.
Am I actually liking my life right now?
Not every part of it.
Not every day.
But enough of it that, if nothing changed for the next few weeks, I’d still be glad I was here.
If the answer is no, don’t wait for life to become different before you become intentional.
Our lives aren’t built in someday.
They’re built in today.
One small choice can change the experience of a day (joy is our job after all).
Enough of those days…and you’ve changed the experience of a life.
Have Good Ripple Effect,
Lisa