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The PB&J Approach: 1x1 Ideas for Leaders


Long post alert!



I sent this story, about my friend who hates her leadership role, to my email list a few weeks back and thought I’d share it with you too!



I have a friend who hates her leadership role at the moment. Not the "It's terrible right now, but it’s going to be ok" type of hate, but rather it's the "I don’t know if it’s going to get better and I might have to look for a different job" kind of hate. The type where she catches herself complaining a few times in a given conversation about the culture of her team and where she mindlessly scrolls through job postings in her spare time.



When I asked her why her team was bringing her down, this was her response:



I feel like I’m simultaneously the cheerleader whose job it also is to carry the burden of fixing the culture (toxic energy, complaining, lack of accountability).


It’s an uphill chug to motivate people and they are unhappy.


And, there’s the pressure of doing more with less.


Her current solution? Refill her coffee cup for the umpteenth time in the breakroom silently chanting, let's just get through this...and then plan the occasional engagement activity.



She’s not sure what she’ll do yet to fix her team dynamics, but I wonder…



Maybe there is another approach?



And I have a theory.



Obviously, this theory is not fully grounded in academic research, but I can tell you as someone who has been leading teams and chasing joy for 10+ years, this one has been one of the secrets to my success as a leader.



And it all has to do with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.



Yes, I know that sounds a little sticky (and for all leadership purposes it is) but let me back it up.



Team culture, which includes productivity and overall employee satisfaction, is built in two ways, top-down and bottom-up. For a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be oh-so-tasty, it requires both sides of the bread, the leader (aka peanut butter) and the other side (aka jelly) to meet and mix together. Independently, they are only ok…unmemorable at best. But together, they provide an explosion of taste and childhood memories that last a lifetime!



All kidding aside, I’ve found that there is one place to start when thinking about changing culture or team dynamics and that is in the 1x1 meeting with team members. These short meetings are an opportunity to build the relationship and find out how they are functioning outside of work, because whether we’d like to admit it, work and life blend together, and find ways to gather input and ideas.



I recommend using the PB&J approach to find out about their personal life, perspective, and progress followed by gathering input (better ways of doing things and ideas for improvement), and finally what things bring them joy and what joy they have on the horizon. Each of these categories is an indicator of well-being, engagement, and overall success at work. The more you know as a leader, the more you can assist with and encourage.



The delicious stickiness this approach creates will surprise you!



If you’d like a copy of the worksheet I use for 1x1s, I’ll put the link in the comments to download!



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