Chumbawamba and Feedback.
I recently received some feedback that really spun me for a loop. It made me think of Chumbawamba’s song "Tubthumping" — I got knocked down, but I got up again! 😄 (I am joking, but also serious here).
Feedback—it’s something we all give and receive regularly, but let’s be honest, it’s not always a walk in the park. One of my favorite books on this subject is Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone. It explores the nuances of feedback and what prevents us from receiving it well. I was so glad to have read this book when I got a bit of feedback that rocked me.
The book identifies three main triggers that can derail the process of receiving feedback, all of which I've encountered firsthand:
Truth Trigger: When feedback doesn’t align with your self-perception. For example, early in my career, I was told I wasn’t concise enough. My first instinct? Hide under my desk! But upon reflection, I approached the person for clarity and learned that fewer words could make my points more impactful.
Relationship Trigger: If you have a rocky relationship with the feedback giver, it’s tempting to reject their comments outright. It’s a common human reaction, but as leaders, we sometimes need to work with challenging personalities and find value in their feedback.
Identity Trigger: This is the deepest cut. Recently, I was told my questions in conversations were too bold, too soon. This feedback touched on my identity as someone who values curiosity and boldness — labels like “too much” have followed me for years. But instead of shrinking, I've learned to embrace these traits. In business, blending in isn’t the goal — standing out is.
If you’ve recently received tough feedback, remember: you’re not alone. We all decide its validity and sometimes, the feedback is more about the giver than about you. When feedback touches a sensitive spot, it stings, but it's also a growth opportunity.
Remember, feedback is a snapshot, a moment in time — not a definitive marker of who you are (I often remind myself in the mirror, "Lisa, it’s just a snapshot"). Don’t let one piece of feedback define you or carry it like a weight. Take it as a chance to learn and grow, then move forward, stronger and more resilient.
Keep pushing, even if you're nursing a bruise or two. Because in the end, resilience is about getting back up, no matter how many times we're knocked down.
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