LEADERSHIP
Have you ever walked into a meeting already annoyed, not because of what’s happening, but because you already know what’s going to happen?
Maybe it’s the person who always derails the agenda or the topic that’s been revisited ten too many times. You can practically feel your shoulders tighten before you even open your laptop.
That’s called being pre-annoyed (a very technical term, just kidding).
And while it’s kind of funny (because yes, we’ve all been there), it’s also powerful in the wrong direction.
When we walk in pre-annoyed, we’ve already written the ending. We’re no longer observing; we’re confirming, looking for evidence that our feeling is correct. Our internal thoughts, and sometimes if we’re not great at hiding it, our tone, body language, and facial expressions send a signal that says, “I already know how this is going to go and I’m not thrilled about it.”
Here’s the problem: teams pick up on that energy. Quickly.
It’s like putting a label on a jar that says hot sauce. Everyone assumes it’s spicy before they even open it. That pre-annoyed approach doesn’t get results, especially when it comes to leading and motivating a team.
Maybe you’ve tried giving more feedback, adding more structure, or repeating the same message, but nothing seems to change.
What if, instead of being pre-annoyed, you were pre-curious?
What if you walked in wondering, “I wonder why this person keeps revisiting that topic?” or “I wonder what might surprise me about how this goes today?”
If you want your team to act differently, it starts with you.
Leaders who swap pre-annoyance for pre-curiosity change the game. They open the door for better ideas, smoother collaboration, and maybe even a few fewer eye rolls.
“I solemnly swear to not be pre-annoyed in the future.” Right? Maybe that mantra is for me too.
LIFE
Let’s be honest, this doesn’t just show up at work.
Ever find yourself pre-annoyed at traffic before you’ve even left the driveway? Or at your family’s dinner-time chaos before you’ve even walked in the door? Or at the fact that you know your dog is about to eat something he shouldn’t? Our brains are great story makers and storytellers.
The truth is, being pre-annoyed is like sending an invitation to frustration and then RSVP-ing “yes” for it.
But if you can flip it, it’s a game-changer.
Next time you catch yourself getting pre-annoyed, try saying:
“Okay, I know this usually irritates me, but what if it doesn’t have to today? What if being pre-annoyed is just using up precious time I could be spending thinking about something better?”
It’s not about toxic positivity. It’s about reclaiming your energy before the moment even starts.
When we stop predicting negativity, we create space for something better to happen.
Maybe the traffic becomes podcast time. Maybe the dinner chaos turns into laughter. Maybe the dog’s mess is just a reminder that if that’s the worst part of your day, you’re doing alright.
Maybe the day just feels lighter.
Your challenge this week: Notice one place you tend to get pre-annoyed and replace it with pre-curious. Watch what happens.
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