In a previous email, I talked about the importance of savoring a “curiosity cocktail” when handling individual complaints from your team.
But what happens when complaints seem to be the norm, and negative thoughts are being flung around like candy at a parade?
Complaining can be a natural, even healthy, release. But there’s a fine line where it starts to cause damage—whether it’s eroding team morale, spreading negativity, or even impacting our overall culture. It’s one thing to let someone vent, but it’s another to help them navigate their feelings and emerge without causing a negative shift in team dynamics.
You’ll know you’ve reached this point when more than half of the conversations in meetings or in passing are negative: “I hate being back in the office,” “When are they finally going to fix _____?”, or “Are we ever going to backfill that position?”
Let’s talk about the negative ripple effect that complaining can cause.
You know the scenario: one person gripes to another, and then it spreads like wildfire. My approach involves three key steps:
Find My Steady
Lead with Curiosity
Build the Language
Here’s what I mean:
Find My Steady: This is the practice of gathering composure before reacting. If I react without thinking it through, I may be adding fuel to the fire. Before addressing the larger issue with the team, I need to strategize on how to bring up the issue (actually high-level planning the words I might say out loud) and begin fixing the problem. Unless it’s a major legal or safety issue (because we definitely don’t want to wait on those), I take some time to be proactive—the result will be better in the long run.
Lead with Curiosity: I watch, listen, and ask about particular complaints (refer back to the curiosity cocktail email for more ideas). If I lead with skepticism or anger, that energy will transfer. If I hear it, I ask about it. I focus on understanding the root cause—what’s really going on to make them feel this way?
Build the Language: This is about finding a productive way to bring up the issue and start setting expectations. For example, I might say, “We have an opportunity to create a positive ripple effect in our culture (as you know, I’m a big fan of the good ripple effect), and it starts with what we say and do. I’ve realized that we (myself included) could do a better job on complaints. It’s easy to find fault with processes, policies, and technology, but I want to encourage the team to focus on finding solutions.” This approach addresses the goal (good ripple effect), acknowledges the problem (complaining!), and sets a direction for improvement (finding solutions). It’s not a complete fix, but giving language to a problem and direction to work towards is a solid start.
Another Quick Tip: Use a Complaint Spectrum!It’s a visual tool to build language and quantify complaints so that you can tackle them productively. I teach my teams to understand that complaining exists on a spectrum. “This is our way to gauge where your complaint lands on the spectrum—low meaning occasional and manageable, versus high where complaints are constant and pervasive.”
Think of it as their own personal “complain-o-meter”—are they in a safe zone, or are they veering into territory that could be harmful to the team?
Want the complaint spectrum visual and more conversation prompters? Just hit reply and let me know!
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